Why do middle-aged gentlemen make such easy targets?
Everyone who is not one seems to resent them. They get on people’s nerves. They are gauche, insensitive, tactless; they mean well but, rooted in an age less enlightened than the present, are forever saying the wrong thing, making the wrong gesture; they smell bad besides. They are relentlessly mocked, derided, slandered, maligned – in a word, bashed – online. Why? asks Spa (May 30-June 6).
Let’s consider cases. “Yoshihiro Shimizu” (all names in quotation marks are pseudonyms) is a 39-year-old mid-level executive who for the past year has been engaging in online konkatsu – searching for a marriage partner. He and a likely candidate arranged to meet in real as opposed to virtual space-time. He suggested a walk. They walked, talked, and parted, each to post online the feelings aroused by the encounter. No experience is complete, it seems, no emotion properly savored, unless shared. The private realm become public is one of the facts of the new life that middle-aged men may struggle to assimilate.
Be that as it may, Shimizu’s date posted that the walk had left her “tired.” Probably she meant dispirited. Shimizu took it that way, and retorted huffily. Immediately the lady’s followers entered the fray; then his. It became something of a free-for-all. Did a walk suit the occasion? The lady certainly thought not: “I even wore high heels!” She’d expected better; she deserved it, said her followers: “No wonder the guy’s going on 40 and can’t find someone to marry him!” “Well, what next?” wonders Shimizu, rather dispirited himself at this point.
Spa tells the story of an individual who went online as “Bijo Rider.” “Bijo” means beautiful woman. Rider suggests motorcycling. It’s what the photo shows: in the foreground a beautiful woman, behind her a beautiful bike. It just goes to show: anybody can appear as anybody, be taken for anybody, create an alter ego, live an alter-life. How the “truth” – assuming appearance is distinct from truth, though on second thought why should it be? – came out is not clear; masculine language may have betrayed him; he doesn’t in fact seem to have tried very hard to preserve his cover: “It was just a way for me to express my love of biking,” he says; “the photo of a tired-looking 52-year-old man wouldn’t have done.” He altered his face courtesy of an app which alters faces according to specifications, and gathered a following. He’s blithely unrepentant. “I wasn’t trying to profit from this, or to deceive anyone.” But his young followers feel deceived, and some are pretty sure he was up to something sinister. “What else do you expect from a middle-aged man?” perhaps sums up the collective reaction.
From love to leisure, from leisure to work. Some years ago “Takeshi Matsugawa,” 50, headed the personnel department of software developer Cybozu. By his own admission he was “very gung-ho” – rather too much so to suit the young recruits he was charged with training. He’d put them through the paces and was frankly surprised to see them chatting and lazing their breaks away. Shouldn’t they rather be studying, pondering or practicing what he’d taught them? He showed his displeasure. They showed theirs – on Twitter and similar sites. “Free time is free time!” “None of his business what we do on breaks!” And so on. Matsugawa was hurt. In his day, when he was on their lowly rung of the hierarchy, he hadn’t dared vent such feelings – if he’d dared to harbor them in the first place.
There’s the heart of the matter right there, says Spa – a generation gap between those old enough to have grown up with the values of the Showa era (1926-1989) and those who came of age in the succeeding era of Heisei (1989-2019), with its more liberal values, relaxed mores and exploding techno-empowerment.
“Bashing” of any kind is ugly, hurtful and morally objectionable, most right-thinking people would probably agree. But pressures mount, stress builds, and – say what you like about it – bashing is a vent, and maybe all of us resort to it at one time or another, in one form or another. Up until a generation or so ago, Spa hears from essayist Akiko Shihara, it was the so-called weak members of society who bore the brunt of it – the young and inexperienced, the physically infirm, the economically disadvantaged, women for their low social and economic status, and so on. That, says Shihara, is no longer acceptable, and it’s the strong – or those perceived as strong, like middle-aged men – who are fair game. Will they brace under the strain, or buckle?
Michael Hoffman is the author of “Arimasen.”
© Japan Today
28 Comments
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falseflagsteve
Keep your personal lives private, don’t gossip about online with your mates. Least he not what is perceived as the lowest of the low these days, a straight white male,
Sven Asai
Prove it If you really think you can. lol
Moonraker
It's hard to disagree that there are a lot like that though. And the sense of entitlement only seems to increase after that.
GillislowTier
Sounds like the generation gap of “keep it to yourself until you go to a hostess club and Soapland “ generation vs. just say it online to comiserate with others in the same situation.
still why is it so easy to bash? Because they constantly do bash worthy stuff and as the story shows, refuse to see their actions as such.
but also… trash people attract each other even online. Be positive and you get other positive people
kohakuebisu
Older men are generally doing better than women and younger men. So anyone having at go at them is kicking up, not down. Last time I checked, there was no fine or penalty for saying "young people today are so feckless". More often than not, other (older) people will join in.
I'm a 54 year old man and am happy to be one. I doubt many who are now 24 will be as well off as I am now in thirty years' time. The man in the story who got piled on for taking a date on a walk is lucky, he got to quickly find out his date was not marriage material. He should brush it off and try again. If all women now were like that (they are not), he'd be better off single.
Speed
The only one in this article I find not to have boorish behavior is the one that took his date on a stroll. To me, that's nice.
The others, where they photoshop themselves or get in other people's faces at work for what they do on their breaks, are lame and should get lambasted, regardless of being middle aged or not.
shogun36
I think both men and women are at fault and you can’t generalize everyone in the same group. It’s all different, case by case. But I have seen a lot of cliches on both sides.
What is middle age? 30-60? Let’s assume that.
Most guys in this group, either LOVE to talk about themselves, can only talk about one thing (soccer or drinking) or they just have no idea how to converse with women.
For example, in mixed company a man would bring up playing video games, going to different hostess bars or some kind of sports…….women don’t talk about that kind of stuff.
Or they will talk about a woman’s age, them cooking in the kitchen, or their raising kids. Also things women don’t want to hear or talk about.
on the flip side, the women.
in japan “any woman over 35” is too old. Both sides agree to that. Already the ignorance has settled in.
but a lot of times those single women over 35 don’t help the cause.
They constantly talk about how they are too old for this or that. How they have to hurry and have children before a certain age. Or they are just looking for the “perfect prince.” They have to be rich, kind, funny and good looking. A type of guy that is impossible to find, by the way.
and let’s face it, some are just bat ish crazy.
So I’m some cases, middle aged men are to blame……but in a lot of other cases, so are the women.
Or both. Japan’s future is doomed.
starpunk
I remember this episode of 'Herman's Head' on TV where the main character had a one night stand with a woman who then had to follow him around from then on, at his job, home, everywhere. All too much.
People need to learn about each other first before even thinking about something like marriage (or even sex).
Paustovsky
I am guessing because the internet starkly reveals most middle-aged men for what they actually are. Vainglorious, obstinate, unempathetic, entitled, undesirable, self-opinionated and desperately uncool.
It's a sad truth but the cute Facebook (middle-aged people social media) avatar next to Mickey Mouse and the photos of your Harley ain't helping.
Vreth
Of course you cannot say all middle aged men are like this, there are many kind, great men worthy of respect. It's the boomers with the 'I got mine and now everyone else should suffer' mentality that ruin it for everyone else.
Paustovsky
Absolutely. I doubt many of them have any online presence though. They are too busy being nice to guff homophobic comments on news sites.
Babe Ruth
Also, women;
"The internet is such a dangerous place for us! It's literally violence!"
As an aside, JT, all you have to offer here are anonymous people who may or may not exist, having experiences that may not have, or probably ever happened. On the internet. Where men spend more time than women.
And from that you decide to post this sensationalist headline?
Where are the studies or citations to prove this ridiculous claim?
falseflagsteve
Never had a problem getting birds, piece of cake, lol
Need to know what makes em tick, cakes, flowers, surprises etc. Invite them round to dinner, make an effort and it’s usually appreciated. Listen to what they say the like, maybe like going to seaside and take them there.
Don’t be self absorbed or you’ll likely end up lonely you see. You have to keep making an effort even if it becomes long term and if you’re focusing on stuff like a new business venture, you know it makes sense.
ArtistAtLarge
Millennials can't get a break, can they? First they are bashed for being lazy when they were younger. Now that they're getting older, they're getting bashed for being... older.
The very thing they bashed boomers for.
Yo, Gen Y, you learning anything? Gen Z is right behind you.
TaiwanIsNotChina
An easy response to younger generations is, "I want to make sure you can get a job so you can fund my social security."
GBR48
By the time you reach middle age, you are invisible to women, ignored by advertisers and employers, a disappointment to your parents (who expected you to become Prime Minister), responsible for every ill in the world according to the media, and an ATM to your kids. Luckily, by now, criticism should be water off a duck's back. You should do what you enjoy and not give two *&^%s what anyone thinks about you. You should now be well aware that life is too short to care about such things. Younger folk will be old soon enough, and be suffering the same fate. So worry less and enjoy every day as if it is your last.
falseflagsteve
Righteous
Correct and if your chosen bird don’t make the effort then give her the boot, plenty more fish in the sea
Peter Neil
PaustovskyJune 2 12:18 pm JST
Glad I’m a baby boomer and not middle age.
I agree with you. Middle-aged Gen Z and Millennials are the worst generations in history, aren’t they? They are frighteningly ignorant and self-centered. They deserve to be lambasted.
Peter Neil
Oops, I forgot about Gen X. A whole quantum level higher in your fine representation of middle-age worthlessness.
CrashTestDummy
In the case of the dating example, it should only be an exchange between the two of them and should not be posting the dating exchanges publicly on social media. It is nobody's else's business. Hence, the reason it is called your "private or personal life."
If the woman did not like the man, then just tell him straight up that she is not interested and block his number or email if he was rude or kept persisting. Her friends ganging up on him to criticize him and defend her on social media just makes the situation worse and escalates it.
Also, I think the article should put the age of the women for context.
CrashTestDummy
According to the old saying, it is best to avoid discussing religion, politics, sex, money, and private matters publicly as it may be impolite to do so, causing discomfort and embarrassment to other people. Also, they are very sensitive topics for much controversy and discourse. Now in the internet age and social media, that is all that is talked about, which is why there is so much division and discourse politically.
Ah_so
Don't worry about it - your memory will probably not be quite what it was given your age. But don't be so quick to dismiss Generation X - the older ones are nearing retirement so you will be coming across them much more.
zulander
Having digs a middle aged men for various says more about the person doing the digging in the first place.
Your problems weren't caused by middle aged men, and wont be solved by bashing them either.
Capuchin
High heels aren't going to raise your IQ darling.
Yuuju
The only conclusion that comes to my head - dont use Internet for finding personal happiness.
it feels like finding a partner of your age through a matchmaker would be a better idea. You can also try your luck and choose a person from your surroundings (if theres one that you think is worth it) and first starting as a friend could also lead to nice destinations.
we live in a strange world now. Anyone could be bullied. Moral compass and spirituality are not in trend, so expect bad things to be there and know its not okay but thats how the world is. Learning to navigate it, learning to decode people, learning to evolve, grow and learn as a person is a lifelong job to do. If not to find happiness in intimate relationships, then to be happy as a person in general whether you are in relationships or not.
ushosh123
Its the internet, people do what they want, whither it is to bash others or do bash worthy things.